I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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