I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
