If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
