She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Randomize
