I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
