Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
