I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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