Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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