Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
