he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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