Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
