Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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