fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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