if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
