Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
