i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
