We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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