Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
