I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
