So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
