If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You need a sexual gate keeper
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
