I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
are you so shy because you have an std?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
