my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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