just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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