My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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