I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize