is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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