Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
