why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
it wasn't lemon gatorade
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
True strength comes from lack of pants
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize