well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
