Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
