she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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