He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
