3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
