I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
