Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
