The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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