Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize