You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
