Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
