ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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