fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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