True but thats because hes a fetus.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
