My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
