I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
