That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's shark week go big or go home
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
