Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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