Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
