After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
