We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
