I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
