2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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