If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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