So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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