Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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