We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
