We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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