I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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