The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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