I think i peed on brittanys purse
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize