Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
